The fight drained out of me and onto the screen.
It was dripping wet and smelled funny, but was furious.
The fight wasn't done yet, but I was.
I tried to ignore it, and it got louder.
I tried to cajole it and it saw through me and pushed harder.
I tried to accept it, but the longer the fight was around, the sadder I got.
So I decided to kill the fight, the only way I could. I put it in the screen. On the webs. Outside of me, but still a part of who I am because the world might see it.
I feel tired and empty. Lonely even.
Is it the seasons? Is it the times? Is it the people?
Or is it just the fight?
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Fear Factory SLC, UT - Epically Cool!
From Fri 11Nov2011 to 12Nov2011 (FB posts) -
I'm going through Fear Factory tonight! 666 West and bout 850 South! Open Fri and Sat for two more weeks!
16 hours ago
9 hours ago - IT... WAS... AWESOME! More later.
(the next morning)
So my body decided I'm awake now... couldn't POSSIBLEY have to do with getting the tar scared out of me last night!
Seriously though, even after watching the better part of the Power Rangers movie to "decompress" I still feel like I went through a scary movie and survived!
The dynamics and just plain details... the location and history alone had me giddy before we ever entered the factory! And everything worked! Top notch! The moon was full, my loved onez were with me...
Sasha asked me how haunted houses could still get to me so much after all these years, after workjng at them myself... but he forgets that THAT is why I was so much fun at Rocky!
What does it say about us that so many things we saw in the decor made us think, "ooh, can I have one of those at my house?" (The entrances and gateways and lighting etc... I think some even admired the mirrors and torture chambers, lol!)
I thought I was doing so well, made it over the heights on the rickety bridge - all thanks to my Sweetie charging in and being there - the myriad of gooey looking parts everywhere from the zombie who opened his head to scratch his brains, to the splattering windows I was totally fooled by, more than once! (Thank you Dru for miking me go first!
There were so many great moments wondering 'is that going to move?!' and 'is that real?!!'
It was so good to see everyone! The actors that knew me and got to say my name, someone sending it up the line every few rooms was just enough to catch me off guard but not overdue it!
Even while we were waiting for everyone in our group to arrive, the wandering fiends and dead kept us entertained! We saw a zombie war - my pick, "Brains" as I was calling him, lost to a shovel weilding younger-looking guy, who kept showing up again throughout the factory!
Even when the dead things got close and growled, it was great cuz I smelled chocolate donut! (My companions assured me it was because he had just eatrn someone who had eaten a donut!
The doll room creeps me out, probably always will. But it was more than mangled plastic faces staring vacant from the walls, they wanted 'to play' and when the China Doll slowly and mechanically stepped from her mirrord box... I was 5 years old again, and my talking baby doll, low on batteries, was calling me "Momma" in a demonic voice that made me remove the batteries and never put them in again!
Now I have to be honest... I completely froze at the slide! For a split second, as I watched my companions disappear one by one into the black, I thought, "if they can do it, I can do it." But just seconds after Mike went down, he screamed. All that went through my head was, 'THERE'S A DROP!!?' I spent a good few min wrestling with myself, pacing back and forth as other groups passed, screaming fo Mike and probably giving the poor security guy an anuerism because I couldn't make myself slip into the darkness and unknown! When I did eventually force my way down... EVERYONE WAS GONE! Mike startled me so much when he caught up to me and hugged me from behind! Lol
(*there is no drop... just psyched out by the scream!*)
The smoke, the cold, the atmosphere just rocks! The only thing I can say I could do without was the stairs, but even that added so much to the 'survived-an-apocolypse' feel! My steampunk enthusiasts would adore all the pipes, gears and metal of the factory!
I would have LOVED to linger in the crypt!
In closing, Fear Factory is already a great haunt. Sure there are things to be improved, there are tight spaces to freak you out but they warn you!! If you can face your fears and make it out alive, you'll only want to come back and test yourself - and your luck ;) - again and again!
I'm going through Fear Factory tonight! 666 West and bout 850 South! Open Fri and Sat for two more weeks!
16 hours ago
9 hours ago - IT... WAS... AWESOME! More later.
(the next morning)
So my body decided I'm awake now... couldn't POSSIBLEY have to do with getting the tar scared out of me last night!
Seriously though, even after watching the better part of the Power Rangers movie to "decompress" I still feel like I went through a scary movie and survived!
The dynamics and just plain details... the location and history alone had me giddy before we ever entered the factory! And everything worked! Top notch! The moon was full, my loved onez were with me...
Sasha asked me how haunted houses could still get to me so much after all these years, after workjng at them myself... but he forgets that THAT is why I was so much fun at Rocky!
What does it say about us that so many things we saw in the decor made us think, "ooh, can I have one of those at my house?" (The entrances and gateways and lighting etc... I think some even admired the mirrors and torture chambers, lol!)
I thought I was doing so well, made it over the heights on the rickety bridge - all thanks to my Sweetie charging in and being there - the myriad of gooey looking parts everywhere from the zombie who opened his head to scratch his brains, to the splattering windows I was totally fooled by, more than once! (Thank you Dru for miking me go first!
There were so many great moments wondering 'is that going to move?!' and 'is that real?!!'
It was so good to see everyone! The actors that knew me and got to say my name, someone sending it up the line every few rooms was just enough to catch me off guard but not overdue it!
Even while we were waiting for everyone in our group to arrive, the wandering fiends and dead kept us entertained! We saw a zombie war - my pick, "Brains" as I was calling him, lost to a shovel weilding younger-looking guy, who kept showing up again throughout the factory!
Even when the dead things got close and growled, it was great cuz I smelled chocolate donut! (My companions assured me it was because he had just eatrn someone who had eaten a donut!
The doll room creeps me out, probably always will. But it was more than mangled plastic faces staring vacant from the walls, they wanted 'to play' and when the China Doll slowly and mechanically stepped from her mirrord box... I was 5 years old again, and my talking baby doll, low on batteries, was calling me "Momma" in a demonic voice that made me remove the batteries and never put them in again!
Now I have to be honest... I completely froze at the slide! For a split second, as I watched my companions disappear one by one into the black, I thought, "if they can do it, I can do it." But just seconds after Mike went down, he screamed. All that went through my head was, 'THERE'S A DROP!!?' I spent a good few min wrestling with myself, pacing back and forth as other groups passed, screaming fo Mike and probably giving the poor security guy an anuerism because I couldn't make myself slip into the darkness and unknown! When I did eventually force my way down... EVERYONE WAS GONE! Mike startled me so much when he caught up to me and hugged me from behind! Lol
(*there is no drop... just psyched out by the scream!*)
The smoke, the cold, the atmosphere just rocks! The only thing I can say I could do without was the stairs, but even that added so much to the 'survived-an-apocolypse' feel! My steampunk enthusiasts would adore all the pipes, gears and metal of the factory!
I would have LOVED to linger in the crypt!
In closing, Fear Factory is already a great haunt. Sure there are things to be improved, there are tight spaces to freak you out but they warn you!! If you can face your fears and make it out alive, you'll only want to come back and test yourself - and your luck ;) - again and again!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A while and an uplift!
Haven't posted in a while, but wanted to write a quick note about something amazing happening in my life. Years ago, I was the girl who said 'I will never marry'. And it was so hard to let anyone in that first time. It did not end well and I will carry scars from my choices and his forever.
In the last month, I have been able to find someone who not only is a great man to me, but has made me think that the things I never thought possible... are possible! No, nothing is official and I won't jinx it, but for the first time in so long I can't remember, I want to go to the temple! If nothing else comes of this relationship, I thank God my Heavenly Father and my Sweetie for that!
God Bless!
In the last month, I have been able to find someone who not only is a great man to me, but has made me think that the things I never thought possible... are possible! No, nothing is official and I won't jinx it, but for the first time in so long I can't remember, I want to go to the temple! If nothing else comes of this relationship, I thank God my Heavenly Father and my Sweetie for that!
God Bless!
Monday, January 10, 2011
In Memory of... Keep up the Good Fight
A person that influenced me for the better in my life passed away yesterday. I hadn't seen her in years... It still hurts. I know there are people being born and dying everyday, I have had those close to me pass and the longer I live the more people it seems I know on the other side. I love you all and miss you.
I was going to say rest in peace, but it didn't seem right. I know you aren't gone and I know there is work to be done. So, Keep up the Good Fight!
I was going to say rest in peace, but it didn't seem right. I know you aren't gone and I know there is work to be done. So, Keep up the Good Fight!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Flutter Down
Desperate for connecting
To a world that I’m neglecting
You’re right of course I brought this on myself.
I should have left it well enough alone.
Strangling in my covers
My head is filled with flutters
Butterflies I catch and kill and pin.
I’ll never be like Him.
Can’t help but feel
The rot and guilt
Time is marching on my grave
I’m just a slave.
I’m so broke I can’t even pay attention.
That’s not funny, it’s perverse.
Thank you.
Talk about schizophrenic conversations…
Where do you wanna be, if you don’t wanna be me?
I have not the will to fight today. Heaven help us
Going to go listen to Christian music to battle these demons.
To a world that I’m neglecting
You’re right of course I brought this on myself.
I should have left it well enough alone.
Strangling in my covers
My head is filled with flutters
Butterflies I catch and kill and pin.
I’ll never be like Him.
Can’t help but feel
The rot and guilt
Time is marching on my grave
I’m just a slave.
I’m so broke I can’t even pay attention.
That’s not funny, it’s perverse.
Thank you.
Talk about schizophrenic conversations…
Where do you wanna be, if you don’t wanna be me?
I have not the will to fight today. Heaven help us
Going to go listen to Christian music to battle these demons.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
NAMI, Jokes, Venting, Random Rambling, Eat Pray Love movie
First I want to post a link to help fund raise for a NAMI walk my friend Kelly is in:
http://www.nami.org/namiwalks10/SLC/kelly_peugh
www.nami.org
Second, I want to say that I read through a couple of my posts and had to laugh at the windshield/bug/butt joke again.
I also want to thank my soldiers. You do something I know I can't and hopefully you can take pride in helping and protecting others. Despite setbacks you may have, I do believe you will benefit from it. Loves and God Bless.
I was just thinking, I don't know if anyone reads this *crap* anyway. Sometimes I wonder if my life has impact. I wouldn't mind a Clarence to come and show me the difference, but I'd probably find - like some parodies I have seen - that everyone really WAS better off without me! Lol.
My calendar is full, but my heart is empty. Sometimes I feel like Swiss cheese. A target range sheet full of holes where things should be. I fill up with lots of people and experiences, but what am I ultimately going to be?
I saw EAT PRAY LOVE last night with my mom. It's a lovely movie of personal growth and healing... and parts of it just made me more mad/sad. There's a point where the main character is dealing with her divorce and says she is not waiting to forgive herself, but waiting for him to forgive her... Well, granted her sitch and mine are very different, so it's okay if I don't want forgiveness but retribution... right? I want to cut the chains I used to tie us together, the ones I thought were made of love. The ones that still squeeze me as he Houdini's his way around.
Amalgam of others
Twisted cuz you stole it
Tired by the neurons
Crammed into the bullet
BANG!
Wicked angel angsty
Infected by the choices
Avoiding life in levels
And listening to the voices
whisper whisper whisper...
Can you hear the harmony?
Can you see the beauty?
You know there's love and joy
So you do your duty
STONE.
A tick tick tick
Round the race inside
Can you ever let go
The poison of your pride?
seep seep seep.
Now that my darker side has vented...
God Bless you!
http://www.nami.org/namiwalks10/SLC/kelly_peugh
www.nami.org
Second, I want to say that I read through a couple of my posts and had to laugh at the windshield/bug/butt joke again.
I also want to thank my soldiers. You do something I know I can't and hopefully you can take pride in helping and protecting others. Despite setbacks you may have, I do believe you will benefit from it. Loves and God Bless.
I was just thinking, I don't know if anyone reads this *crap* anyway. Sometimes I wonder if my life has impact. I wouldn't mind a Clarence to come and show me the difference, but I'd probably find - like some parodies I have seen - that everyone really WAS better off without me! Lol.
My calendar is full, but my heart is empty. Sometimes I feel like Swiss cheese. A target range sheet full of holes where things should be. I fill up with lots of people and experiences, but what am I ultimately going to be?
I saw EAT PRAY LOVE last night with my mom. It's a lovely movie of personal growth and healing... and parts of it just made me more mad/sad. There's a point where the main character is dealing with her divorce and says she is not waiting to forgive herself, but waiting for him to forgive her... Well, granted her sitch and mine are very different, so it's okay if I don't want forgiveness but retribution... right? I want to cut the chains I used to tie us together, the ones I thought were made of love. The ones that still squeeze me as he Houdini's his way around.
Amalgam of others
Twisted cuz you stole it
Tired by the neurons
Crammed into the bullet
BANG!
Wicked angel angsty
Infected by the choices
Avoiding life in levels
And listening to the voices
whisper whisper whisper...
Can you hear the harmony?
Can you see the beauty?
You know there's love and joy
So you do your duty
STONE.
A tick tick tick
Round the race inside
Can you ever let go
The poison of your pride?
seep seep seep.
Now that my darker side has vented...
God Bless you!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
On a Lighter Note... Letters to God
Watched a great movie. You should check it out. If you're a cryer, bring the tissues. If you or someone in your life has been touched by cancer, or needed God, then watch this movie.
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