NAMI, Jokes, Venting, Random Rambling, Eat Pray Love movie

First I want to post a link to help fund raise for a NAMI walk my friend Kelly is in:
http://www.nami.org/namiwalks10/SLC/kelly_peugh
www.nami.org

Second, I want to say that I read through a couple of my posts and had to laugh at the windshield/bug/butt joke again.

I also want to thank my soldiers. You do something I know I can't and hopefully you can take pride in helping and protecting others. Despite setbacks you may have, I do believe you will benefit from it. Loves and God Bless.

I was just thinking, I don't know if anyone reads this *crap* anyway. Sometimes I wonder if my life has impact. I wouldn't mind a Clarence to come and show me the difference, but I'd probably find - like some parodies I have seen - that everyone really WAS better off without me! Lol.

My calendar is full, but my heart is empty. Sometimes I feel like Swiss cheese. A target range sheet full of holes where things should be. I fill up with lots of people and experiences, but what am I ultimately going to be?

I saw EAT PRAY LOVE last night with my mom. It's a lovely movie of personal growth and healing... and parts of it just made me more mad/sad. There's a point where the main character is dealing with her divorce and says she is not waiting to forgive herself, but waiting for him to forgive her... Well, granted her sitch and mine are very different, so it's okay if I don't want forgiveness but retribution... right? I want to cut the chains I used to tie us together, the ones I thought were made of love. The ones that still squeeze me as he Houdini's his way around.

Amalgam of others
Twisted cuz you stole it
Tired by the neurons
Crammed into the bullet
BANG!

Wicked angel angsty
Infected by the choices
Avoiding life in levels
And listening to the voices
whisper whisper whisper...

Can you hear the harmony?
Can you see the beauty?
You know there's love and joy
So you do your duty
STONE.

A tick tick tick
Round the race inside
Can you ever let go
The poison of your pride?
seep seep seep.

Now that my darker side has vented...

God Bless you!