Running out of Optimism

Begin life rant 15Jan2014 -

Mike has been denied disability again. The lawyer says it takes an average of a year to get before a judge. And that he needs to get in to a doctor at least once every 3 months.

The logic behind the doctor visits is that if he isn't going to the doctor, it's not that bad.

... grr argh.

Well, if we had money for that, we wouldn't be trying to get him on disability!!! This is the option left because of Mike's sporadic and declining health. He is unable to work a regular job consistently enough for an employer to keep him, therefore, disability.

I tried to check out healthcare.gov and insurance/subsidy options, but the last time we tried to go to a 'FREE' clinic, they denied us because I make too much. I don't make enough, but I make too much.

We tried Medicaid a couple of years ago and were denied there too. (I don't remember a whole lot except that getting a hold of someone was not always easy and again, a lot of paperwork and 'go to a doctor' stuff. Mike was the primary person on that.)

*sigh. And the irony is all the healthcare plans have warning timer symbols that this is the last day -15 Jan - to enroll for coverage to begin on Feb 1st.

Last month (Dec) we put about $500 on a card to get the maintenance and needed repairs on my car. This month, I crunched it. The insurance covers AFTER the $500 deductible, which I will need to pay to get my car back from the repair shop. Right now I am planning on putting it on my debit card, knowing it will push us over our limit and accrue fines, but not having another option. Unless my car isn’t ready until Monday (payday) then we’ll have the money, but likely be short on something else.

I don’t keep a lot of credit cards, but am beginning to see how the debt happens. If you have no other options, bills still have to be paid! At least I have a job…

We are likely to move in with my Mom-in-law come mid-end of March. I am truly grateful to have that option, as I’m not sure we could keep up with the rent/bills otherwise. She can use our help/money too… But I’m not going to lie and say this is ideal.

That moment when you wish something would give.

I know Heavenly Father has a plan. I know he wants to help us learn and grow, and that this happens many times through difficulties and trials… But DANG!

Running out of optimism ya’ll. I know there are those worse off. I know we have many and varied blessings in the form of those around us and what we DO have, but I have this foreboding I can’t shake that this is just the beginning and the cliff/fall aren’t even in view yet.