Rough Times

My phone is acting up more and more. Messages specifically.

Not feeling well. Getting major depressed. Having manic times. Trying to balance and stabilize, but work stress, family stress, money stress, worthiness stress...

Soooo tired!

Not sure what I should be doing. I help where I can. I try to be a good person. I feel like I am failing, missing something. I feel like I am watching a fuse burn away and trying to chase it down before it explodes.

So many friends! I love them, but I honestly still feel lonely. Back to the place I was as a teenager. Teenage Wasteland was on the radio the other day, I barely listened long enough (and then only because I know it from Blue Man group) but has been stuck in my head. That is happening lots more too. Songs stuck in my head on repeat. Driving me crazy!

"We all full up here, you take your crazy elsewhere!"

I feel impotent. Like the harder I try the worse it gets. I screwed things up and I can't fix it. And it affects others.

Easier to just stay away from people. That way you can't disappoint or harm or fail anyone.

So tired!

Christlike. Turn the other cheek. Help regardless of anything else, because that is what is important in the end. But... Somehow take care of yourself too. Does not compute for me.

So tired.

And it's not like I have had surgery and things removed and am in terrible pain. I feel like a whiner and a wimp. I can't handle my own life! Tired.