My husband and I have acquired a 3-month free subscription to Netflix. Our avatars are a pirate lady and a ninja face. This strikes me as very telling at the moment. I have always ended up a pirate, since the 5th grade playing pirates on the playground, to my time in the SCA (SCA.org)as a member of a pirate crew.
Mike on the the other hand, has always ended up a ninja. He even did a short video with his friends years back called "I am ninja!" that I believe is unfortunately lost to the interwebs.
Now it occurs to me, if we have the pirate and the ninja does this mean if we EVER chose to procreate, we would have a cowboy? (or cowgirl).
Ba dum dum, tss!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
I love you, but you're killing me!
My family... we used to be able to put the "fun" in dysfunctional, but lately...
All we seem to do is hurt each other. And ourselves, over each other's comments and rudeness and outright abuse!
I want to help you. I want to be there for you. But, you're killing me!
For some reason I am thinking of the Walrus and the Carpenter poem from Alice in Wonderland. "the time has come".
I want to be Christlike, but I am NOT Jesus!
I am just... tired.
I can't listen to it any more. It is SSDD!
"Detach with love" is not always that simple.
It's wearing me down. I don't trust my judgment, I have made some big flubs, in large part due to stressing out over ya'll.
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. Not saying what you're going through isn't trying and difficult, but it is YOURS. I still have mine to get through too.
The sleep dep, the bad dreams, the insecurities, the inability to say no when I should... I have to deal with my pile. You're going to have to find a way out of yours and clean up without me.
The one thing I can give you is direction: Find and follow the Light. The Good. For me, it is Christ's example. Whatever will truly bring you happiness, I pray for you to find it!
I will always love you, but I won't let you kill me.
All we seem to do is hurt each other. And ourselves, over each other's comments and rudeness and outright abuse!
I want to help you. I want to be there for you. But, you're killing me!
For some reason I am thinking of the Walrus and the Carpenter poem from Alice in Wonderland. "the time has come".
I want to be Christlike, but I am NOT Jesus!
I am just... tired.
I can't listen to it any more. It is SSDD!
"Detach with love" is not always that simple.
It's wearing me down. I don't trust my judgment, I have made some big flubs, in large part due to stressing out over ya'll.
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. Not saying what you're going through isn't trying and difficult, but it is YOURS. I still have mine to get through too.
The sleep dep, the bad dreams, the insecurities, the inability to say no when I should... I have to deal with my pile. You're going to have to find a way out of yours and clean up without me.
The one thing I can give you is direction: Find and follow the Light. The Good. For me, it is Christ's example. Whatever will truly bring you happiness, I pray for you to find it!
I will always love you, but I won't let you kill me.
Friday, March 21, 2014
LDS Church Responds to Ordain Women
I am posting the link to this blog, as she covers it all.
http://wellbehavedmormonwoman.blogspot.com/2014/03/mormon-church-response-ordain-women-priesthood-session-tickets.html#.UyyEmvldV8E
http://wellbehavedmormonwoman.blogspot.com/2014/03/mormon-church-response-ordain-women-priesthood-session-tickets.html#.UyyEmvldV8E
Friday, February 21, 2014
"Detach with Love" - when helping isn't helping anymore.
That moment where you realize that if you do this thing and help this person, it is going to be damaging to you? You know that moment where you want to hit someone with the proverbial "clue-by-four" because they just refuse to grasp something? The realization that the annoying thing 'that person' does is so annoying, because you do it too?
If you can relate to any of those, then this might be helpful. After all, that is what we want to do, isn't it? Help someone, our loved ones, even ourselves? But when does it become a bad thing?
There is a buzz word in psychology called 'Enabling' that I have received a pretty good definition for: doing something for someone that they CAN do for themselves. This isn't to say never help anyone do things they can do, but it refers more to situations where a person's refusal to move forward causes you to want to 'do it for them' or 'fix them'. You may have had the dialogue in your head sound something like, "well if you would just do this thing I'm telling you". A lot of parents go through this. (I have been told. I am not a parent. I choose not to be and have great respect for all the 'rents that do the job proud.)
A recent example with a friend of mine is driving out of her way to give her son a ride to work. She doesn't want him to lose his job and not pay his rent - unthinkable - but what she is missing is that every time she has tried to help him, she has been mistreated and yelled at, and/or put in very negative compromising situations. In this case, helping is hurting. Her fears of him getting into trouble are valid, BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE GETTING INTO TROUBLE! He should be experiencing negative consequences if he is making bad choices! Instead he surrounds himself with people he is trying to 'help' who are using him, and those that love him get the back-lash. Whether it's financial or simply a ride, sometimes you have to say "I'm sorry, no I can't. You are an adult; I know you'll figure it out."
There is another kind of help that is damaging to both parties involved; when you want to force someone to 'skip ahead' in life and learn that life lesson, right now, because you said so! I have recently had some insight into a couple of different relationships where one person wanted to force the other to be what they decided they should be. A good analogy for this is giving calculus to a kindergartner, and expecting them to ace it. Whether a person is 10, 20, 55 or 105, the lesson has to be learned at their pace. You can't make them "love themselves" if they are depressed. You can't expect perfect communication skills, even from the most extroverted people. We are human and we are flawed. I'm a big believer in accepting who a person is, but helping them be better. And to be honest, I am still figuring out good ways to do it! If you find yourself attacking someone because they aren't living up to your expectations, if you are spitting hateful speech out at someone, you are also poisoning yourself. Step back and realize they are coping the best they can with what they know and what they have now, just like you. "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
One of the hardest people to be kind and gentle with, is yourself. We are our own worst critics. We have inner demons ready to tell us how we screwed up, aren't good enough, will never make it, etc... etc... etc... (Thank you "The King and I") But we also have the power to tell them to stuff it! It's hard. It may make you feel sick the first time you have to do it. But, it gets easier. You CAN be your own cheering section. Its okay to acknowledge your own awesome! Some of the most wonderful people I know, don't know how wonderful they are! Something I have been working on lately is complimenting others. The old saying of 'the best way to forget your problems is to focus on others' is true. If you promote positivity and kindness with others, it makes it easier to be kind to yourself. If you have to think in terms of 'what would I tell my best friend if they were having this problem?' or 'how would I treat my Mom/sister/brother if they were going through this?' then do it!
This last one, a lot of people don't like to hear, but it is truth for me. Improve your relationship with the divine. No matter what you believe in, most people believe in some divine being/things in this world. For me, it is my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I remember that someone out there loves me unconditionally - literally - and even gave their life for me to be able to continue improving and growing. I try to see myself through those eyes, and to see those around me through those eyes. I want everyone to feel loved and of worth. I can't do it myself, so I pray and I trust in those divine, all-knowing beings to get us there. Even with us standing in our own way sometimes.
Just something to think about.
If you can relate to any of those, then this might be helpful. After all, that is what we want to do, isn't it? Help someone, our loved ones, even ourselves? But when does it become a bad thing?
There is a buzz word in psychology called 'Enabling' that I have received a pretty good definition for: doing something for someone that they CAN do for themselves. This isn't to say never help anyone do things they can do, but it refers more to situations where a person's refusal to move forward causes you to want to 'do it for them' or 'fix them'. You may have had the dialogue in your head sound something like, "well if you would just do this thing I'm telling you". A lot of parents go through this. (I have been told. I am not a parent. I choose not to be and have great respect for all the 'rents that do the job proud.)
A recent example with a friend of mine is driving out of her way to give her son a ride to work. She doesn't want him to lose his job and not pay his rent - unthinkable - but what she is missing is that every time she has tried to help him, she has been mistreated and yelled at, and/or put in very negative compromising situations. In this case, helping is hurting. Her fears of him getting into trouble are valid, BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE GETTING INTO TROUBLE! He should be experiencing negative consequences if he is making bad choices! Instead he surrounds himself with people he is trying to 'help' who are using him, and those that love him get the back-lash. Whether it's financial or simply a ride, sometimes you have to say "I'm sorry, no I can't. You are an adult; I know you'll figure it out."
There is another kind of help that is damaging to both parties involved; when you want to force someone to 'skip ahead' in life and learn that life lesson, right now, because you said so! I have recently had some insight into a couple of different relationships where one person wanted to force the other to be what they decided they should be. A good analogy for this is giving calculus to a kindergartner, and expecting them to ace it. Whether a person is 10, 20, 55 or 105, the lesson has to be learned at their pace. You can't make them "love themselves" if they are depressed. You can't expect perfect communication skills, even from the most extroverted people. We are human and we are flawed. I'm a big believer in accepting who a person is, but helping them be better. And to be honest, I am still figuring out good ways to do it! If you find yourself attacking someone because they aren't living up to your expectations, if you are spitting hateful speech out at someone, you are also poisoning yourself. Step back and realize they are coping the best they can with what they know and what they have now, just like you. "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
One of the hardest people to be kind and gentle with, is yourself. We are our own worst critics. We have inner demons ready to tell us how we screwed up, aren't good enough, will never make it, etc... etc... etc... (Thank you "The King and I") But we also have the power to tell them to stuff it! It's hard. It may make you feel sick the first time you have to do it. But, it gets easier. You CAN be your own cheering section. Its okay to acknowledge your own awesome! Some of the most wonderful people I know, don't know how wonderful they are! Something I have been working on lately is complimenting others. The old saying of 'the best way to forget your problems is to focus on others' is true. If you promote positivity and kindness with others, it makes it easier to be kind to yourself. If you have to think in terms of 'what would I tell my best friend if they were having this problem?' or 'how would I treat my Mom/sister/brother if they were going through this?' then do it!
This last one, a lot of people don't like to hear, but it is truth for me. Improve your relationship with the divine. No matter what you believe in, most people believe in some divine being/things in this world. For me, it is my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I remember that someone out there loves me unconditionally - literally - and even gave their life for me to be able to continue improving and growing. I try to see myself through those eyes, and to see those around me through those eyes. I want everyone to feel loved and of worth. I can't do it myself, so I pray and I trust in those divine, all-knowing beings to get us there. Even with us standing in our own way sometimes.
Just something to think about.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Running out of Optimism
Begin life rant 15Jan2014 -
Mike has been denied disability again. The lawyer says it takes an average of a year to get before a judge. And that he needs to get in to a doctor at least once every 3 months.
The logic behind the doctor visits is that if he isn't going to the doctor, it's not that bad.
... grr argh.
Well, if we had money for that, we wouldn't be trying to get him on disability!!! This is the option left because of Mike's sporadic and declining health. He is unable to work a regular job consistently enough for an employer to keep him, therefore, disability.
I tried to check out healthcare.gov and insurance/subsidy options, but the last time we tried to go to a 'FREE' clinic, they denied us because I make too much. I don't make enough, but I make too much.
We tried Medicaid a couple of years ago and were denied there too. (I don't remember a whole lot except that getting a hold of someone was not always easy and again, a lot of paperwork and 'go to a doctor' stuff. Mike was the primary person on that.)
*sigh. And the irony is all the healthcare plans have warning timer symbols that this is the last day -15 Jan - to enroll for coverage to begin on Feb 1st.
Last month (Dec) we put about $500 on a card to get the maintenance and needed repairs on my car. This month, I crunched it. The insurance covers AFTER the $500 deductible, which I will need to pay to get my car back from the repair shop. Right now I am planning on putting it on my debit card, knowing it will push us over our limit and accrue fines, but not having another option. Unless my car isn’t ready until Monday (payday) then we’ll have the money, but likely be short on something else.
I don’t keep a lot of credit cards, but am beginning to see how the debt happens. If you have no other options, bills still have to be paid! At least I have a job…
We are likely to move in with my Mom-in-law come mid-end of March. I am truly grateful to have that option, as I’m not sure we could keep up with the rent/bills otherwise. She can use our help/money too… But I’m not going to lie and say this is ideal.
That moment when you wish something would give.
I know Heavenly Father has a plan. I know he wants to help us learn and grow, and that this happens many times through difficulties and trials… But DANG!
Running out of optimism ya’ll. I know there are those worse off. I know we have many and varied blessings in the form of those around us and what we DO have, but I have this foreboding I can’t shake that this is just the beginning and the cliff/fall aren’t even in view yet.
Mike has been denied disability again. The lawyer says it takes an average of a year to get before a judge. And that he needs to get in to a doctor at least once every 3 months.
The logic behind the doctor visits is that if he isn't going to the doctor, it's not that bad.
... grr argh.
Well, if we had money for that, we wouldn't be trying to get him on disability!!! This is the option left because of Mike's sporadic and declining health. He is unable to work a regular job consistently enough for an employer to keep him, therefore, disability.
I tried to check out healthcare.gov and insurance/subsidy options, but the last time we tried to go to a 'FREE' clinic, they denied us because I make too much. I don't make enough, but I make too much.
We tried Medicaid a couple of years ago and were denied there too. (I don't remember a whole lot except that getting a hold of someone was not always easy and again, a lot of paperwork and 'go to a doctor' stuff. Mike was the primary person on that.)
*sigh. And the irony is all the healthcare plans have warning timer symbols that this is the last day -15 Jan - to enroll for coverage to begin on Feb 1st.
Last month (Dec) we put about $500 on a card to get the maintenance and needed repairs on my car. This month, I crunched it. The insurance covers AFTER the $500 deductible, which I will need to pay to get my car back from the repair shop. Right now I am planning on putting it on my debit card, knowing it will push us over our limit and accrue fines, but not having another option. Unless my car isn’t ready until Monday (payday) then we’ll have the money, but likely be short on something else.
I don’t keep a lot of credit cards, but am beginning to see how the debt happens. If you have no other options, bills still have to be paid! At least I have a job…
We are likely to move in with my Mom-in-law come mid-end of March. I am truly grateful to have that option, as I’m not sure we could keep up with the rent/bills otherwise. She can use our help/money too… But I’m not going to lie and say this is ideal.
That moment when you wish something would give.
I know Heavenly Father has a plan. I know he wants to help us learn and grow, and that this happens many times through difficulties and trials… But DANG!
Running out of optimism ya’ll. I know there are those worse off. I know we have many and varied blessings in the form of those around us and what we DO have, but I have this foreboding I can’t shake that this is just the beginning and the cliff/fall aren’t even in view yet.
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