I am having a rough day today. Woke up this morning and was just completely pissed at everything. I mean everything. Every little thing set me off. I couldn't get out of it. The shampoo and conditioner in the shower, the towels, the stove, the dishes, my clothes, my cat, my house, my books, everything!!!
I tried to explain it to a couple of different people, but it didn't really help much. I eventually had to 'repress, repress, repress' and just get to work. I have worked on everything that has come across my desk. I don't think I alienated my boss. But now there is a dust storm and I want to leave, but I don't want to go home. Mom called me again, by accident and said stay away from semis. Kat called me back earlier, but I had work at the time. I hope her MRI yields some positive results. I texted at Mike a bit this morning before I actually came in the building. I think I scared him. I don't want to scare anyone, but I feel like a crazy person.
I hope its just that I didn't take my vitamins (meds, for me) the other day and have coinciding weather conditions as well as female problems. I don't want to deal with anything else breaking or not working like it should. I don't want to deal with any more money problems and watch people spend who I know don't have it. I don't want to feel paralyzed because I want to act and can't because I am crossing lines. I keep praying and praying and screaming and crying and most of it is just in my head so I can just keep going! I am good at that... or I thought I was. Apparently I am just ignoring/bottling/repressing till I blow up.
I feel sick today too. On top of everything. And Dale is out of town so I won't get that check... Line of credit is a blessing and a curse. Should have bought a new oven. I am wearing a new bra... but that was necessary because the were coming apart at the seams, LITERALLY! So why do I feel guilty, like I've done so many things wrong. I just can't shake it. I hope it is just the weather, because that means it will go away.
Dan said something interesting this morning about wishing he could fast forward 3 months. I mentioned the movie Click and we had a melancholy and brief discussion. We can still laugh. There is still hope.
A: Damn.
