Wednesday, November 11, 2015

What's in a name? How can I remember? And other life's experiences...

I have friends who are starting a cooking blog together. One is going to teach the other how to cook/bake/all-things-kitchen-y, and then they will blog about it. They have been asking for help with a name for it. I don't think I take too much time with those things... just go with something and have fun with it. Change it or start a new one if you feel like it later.

I went to great event and met a lot of local authors (didn't even make it around the whole room in 4 hours!) but I have been struggling with keeping track of people. I have joked that I collect people, and that 'as long as I do it online and not in my basement, it's okay!' I feel bad when I can't remember someone's name or how/where we met, but the human brain isn't meant to hold that much info. I have been told the ideal for humans is to live in small, self-sustaining communities of 100-200... and I passed those numbers online AGES ago!

I have been struggling a lot with depression and family issues. Especially with the holidays coming up and not having the funds to do... well, anything... again. I have tried to do little things in the past so I at least had something to give to those who get me presents, but I haven't felt up to that lately. I have been trying to focus on spiritual things and my own immediate home and family... I have had to pull back from a lot of activities and even remove some toxic people. It hurts like having your chest hollowed out with an adamantium melon-baller, just saying. And more over, there are people still in my life that are having to deal with the negative and worse things than I am... I just use that to berate myself internally that I should (there's the "should-ing on myself" again) be able to deal with it. All of it. And more. Because I should, that's why!

I can't save everyone. I can't save anyone. I can work towards perfecting myself. I can help my husband. I can love my friends and will do all that I can. But when I lose it and need a break, try to remember, I'm only human. *ironic, we are reading "I, Robot" for book club.